Eighteen Goodbye

Hey, long time no see.

It's 1:20 a.m. in Chicago as I write this. My birthday is today.

Well, physically I won't be 19 until 2am.

So I decided to write this.

From 18 year old Obadiah to you. My last words.

It's been quite a year, hasn't it... I can't really begin to write the things that have transpired. I remember turning 18... Prom, Purple and White, Graduation, Senior Summer... College. Those words mean so much to me... But if there's one thing I want you to know... It's that those are just words.

Our memories don't make us. How we experience them is what creates who we are as people.

I want you, and 19 y/o Obadiah to understand this the most. What lies ahead of you, and what lies behind you from this point on is completely and totally up to you. 

I'll be honest with you. As honest as I can be as the author of these words to the eyes of the reader.

I have never been more sad in my life than I was the last few weeks. I have never felt so uncontrollably lost and confused. I have never reached a point of complete desperation... until I was pitted against the only force that has ever stopped me...

Me.

This, to your eyes, may read as a cry for help, or as a self-serving, pathetic piece of writing that inspires only the saddest emotions within people.

If it does, stop fucking reading.

Stop concerning yourself with what makes you unhappy. Stop burying your emotions in the dirt of pity and the delusion of superiority.

... I wondered why we continue living. Why do we stay in this world if the only thing that is certain is that we will believe things are certain?

It was 2 am as I walked along the edge of lake Michigan in -3 degree weather. 7 feet from taking an easy slip into its frosty abyss, I realized that if I wanted to, I could have ended my life, right there.

If I wanted to.

In my mind those words are still echoing from that night. I questioned everything in that moment.

If I wanted to...

The amount of choice in our lives became so apparent to me then. Life or death is always within our reach..

And since you are reading this, you have chosen life.

A good choice, in my opinion.

But since this is your decision, continue making them in order for you to be happy!

Do only the things you love. NOTHING ELSE.

YOU ARE HERE LIVING TO BE WHAT YOU WANT TO BE, SO DO IT!

This life is not a right. We fight every day to be here, why would you waste it doing what you hate repeatedly and repeatedly?

I am not sad anymore. I am not invulnerable, but most importantly, I AM HAPPY. 

You can be too.

I want this to go out to all of you, as the last thing I wrote at this age.

Obadiah of the future, you keep on pushin' bud. All things with time are good. (Life is better now than it was back when I was running things, right?)

Readers, thank you. Seriously, your comments have fueled more creativity and love in my life than I can write in words. Mostly because my roommate is sleeping.

I love you enough for the both of us.

- 18y/o Obadiah Terry, for the last time, signing off.

<3