I Haven't Given Up Yet.

Hey,

I'm still here.

I don't know who's reading this. There's no way for me to really tell.

I hope my younger cousins aren't. Not yet.


My life as of recent has been hectic?.. But that's because I made it so. I believe we make our journey. Every thing that has happened has been because you and I agreed that it should.

Not consciously. I mean not always.

I don't really know what to write.

I was motivated by my mistakes (EDIT: TO MY FIRST POST/ THIS WHOLE DAMN BLOG). I basically cheated on my girlfriend. I mean we weren't together. But still. (EDIT2: I FELT/FEEL TERRIBLE)

Everyone painted me as this perfect dude. At least I did.

I'm not perfect.

My skin is super weird. I have eczema. It gets really itchy. I also have dandruff. but I take care of it. I've had to.

I've always been a bit self conscious about it. People care more than I do, now. I think.

I want to quit masturbating. I feel like it seeps from my spirit or something. 

I quit awhile ago. Then I quit again.

and again.

I thought about just giving up trying to quit.

Which is sad as hell when I see it in writing.

I've questioned my sexuality. I got the answer pretty quick..

I love women. I think maybe too much. I flirt too much. I don't even like some of them. I call it "fun", but really I feel sick. Flirting is weird.

I never flirted when I was with my girlfriend. I mean I flirted with her. That was fun. Because it was guaranteed she legit was cool.

I don't like girls who aren't cool. My standards are skewed though.

I don't smoke or drink, and never have. I used to think they were negative things. But damn. I feel like I might do one or both soon.

The effect on the body long term and/or short term could be bad, yeah.. I know I want to represent something, but I don't know where doing drugs fits in with all that.

Haha, what if I become famous? Or like a notable person? Someone could totally dig this up and read all this shit about me.

Mom would be mad that I wrote it.

I might be mad that I wrote it.

Fuck you, future Obadiah. If you're mad while reading this you're either way smarter or way out of touch with who you were. Don't be confused, though. Just remember to be completely honest.

I'm writing this in a complete state of honesty. These are feelings that sit deep.. But they stem up high. Or something.

I'm just saying cut the bullshit and be real.

Mom and the people of her generation seemed to like to put on a face of perfection. I mean she didn't have to. No one has to. Just say what you feel, be who you are in the moment. Everyone will understand every one when every one is honest with themselves.

This whole game of trying to be the coolest or the smartest or the brightest  or whatever is so fucking lame.

heh. Something about that last sentence..

I'm not sure what I'm thinking. I guess I'm just sitting here at like 8 am on a Saturday. Tired. Of it all.

Life has sucked because I haven't been me.

I've loved everything I've done, and I have a regret ratio of 1:>... I don't know how to write it mathematically, but I regret like one thing.

I just feel like we're living like hamsters or something. Going around eating and running and stuff. Everyone is awkwardly trying to find people they like and then they spend time with them then they die.

Just stop being an asshole. Everyone is cool. You don't have to be twins with someone to be friends.

Embrace the differences and all that. I mean that's what I need to do. When I say "we" I mean "I" and hope that you will do the same, Reader.

I don't know how many times you live. I don't know what death will bring. But I know we have this thing right now. I feel like I don't use it all the way. Like there's so much to fucking do and I'm sitting here writing to no one and everyone at the same time. Wait that's awesome. 

Just be happy. Just look at each moment you're in and think "Man, this will be a good story." And if it doesn't seem like it's gonna be a good story at the time, TAKE INITIATIVE AND MAKE IT A GOOD STORY.

Flip a table!

Say hello to a stranger!

Compliment someone when they do something that took some BALLS to do.

or ovaries. I'm not a sexist.

And get the fuck over yourself. At the end of the day you fall asleep and you live in YOUR head. And throughout the day it's YOUR mind. it's YOUR world. Stop caring what other people think. Be clumsy, be awkward, be loud, speak out, speak your mind, be YOU.

Unless you're a douche. If people are being hurt by what you're doing then you're a douche.

Don't do that. Don't be a douche.

Besides that, go make someone smile so they can do the same.

Why the hell not?

I don't know how to end this. So,

Why did you highlight down here? Did I tell you to? That's weird if I didn't because one doesn't simply highlight the end of blogs.

You're weird. That's refreshing. Here is a picture of a cat.

http://i.imgur.com/jhjeNqh.gif

Lol JK

peace and lah.